Friday, December 3, 2010

Light at the End of the Tunnel

We had our second to last doctor's appointment at Schumpert on Wednesday:) My blood levels are normal and everything is still looking good. My last appointment is April 4, 2011!!! Just have to make it until then and WE'RE DONE WITH THE MOLAR PREGNANCY!!!! I can't tell you how much weight was lifted off when we left that office with an official end date.

It's been a rough several months. I think the grief and exhaustion from everything that happened this spring just hit. I had a week or two of random uncontrollable crying. I was just so tired all the time. I took a week off from work and I stopped taking the birth control pills that were a daily, painful reminder that I was trapped in this sickness until April. I accepted the fact that my life is not my own and that God's plan is perfect, even when it hurts so bad I can hardly stand it. It still hurts. Every time I raise my left arm, I will have a scar to remind me of the child that I lost and the cancer that loss caused.

One of the most important things I've learned through this is that my husband is the strongest, most sensitive and amazing man on the planet. He was there for every appointment, every chemo treatment and every tear. God has blessed me more than I will ever deserve with this man. I love you, Stuart Andrew Musick. I've also learned how important it is to have a strong support system. Our family, friends and church have made this whole process bearable. We are so thankful to each one of you.

Knowledge and faith that God is in control is the only way we can not only survive, but flourish, in this life. His plan is perfect. I've gone round and round with Him throughout my life, especially this year, but I am not in control. He has my best at heart.

I'm still going through the emotional cycle of this whole situation, but it's getting better. A whole lot better now that the end is in sight!! Thanks for the prayers and support through all of this! Hope you are all doing well:)