Tuesday, March 23, 2010


And it's official!!!!!!!!!! Got the call from Schumpert this morning and I'm officially done with chemo!!!! They said no more treatments and that I don't have to go back until April 14th (Emma's first birthday:)!!!!!! I'll go in for an exam, labs and a port flush and then get a better idea of what the new plan will be. He said he wants me to keep the port in for a little while just to be sure I don't need it again.

PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you all so much for your prayers during this time!!!!! There is still no doubt in my mind that God heard each and everyone of you and that's the reason my treatment time has been cut in half!!!!!!!! You guys are wonderful:) I'd still be honored to remain on your prayer lists. I will still go in every month for the next year for labs to make sure the levels are staying normal. Once I'm normal (HA!) for a year, then I will be completely done with this whole mess, free to try to have another baby or whatever we decide to do.

Again, thank you so much for your prayers and YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Round 3 Complete...and Possibly the Last?????

So today has been a pretty good day, all things considered. FYI, it's 11 PM and the steroid they gave me is keeping me up but I'm tired and my brain is starting to head into chemo land, so bear with me if this doesn't make a lot of sense!

I used my numbing cream for the treatment today and while I could feel the needle go in pretty good, I couldn't feel the needle for the duration of the treatment. They took my labs and didn't have exact numbers for me while I was there but said the preliminary results looked good. Treatment wasn't too bad and I even had enough enough energy and feel-goodness to go look at car seats at Target (my amazon baby is too big for her current one!).

While I was getting my IV of pre-meds Gus, the chemo-mixer, stopped by and told me I needed to call Dr. Owers on Monday but that there was a POSSIBILITY that THIS WAS GOING TO BE MY LAST TREATMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woo-Hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm trying not to get my hopes up, can you tell???? While we were there today a lady got her last treatment and all the nurses sang her a "No more chemo" song and gave her a "Congratulations" balloon. It was pretty sweet! Of course, in the time span of .0005 seconds my emotions went from smiley "That's pretty cool that they do that" to thoughtful "I bet she is so glad this is all over" to teary "Wow. I had cancer and chemo and I am SOOO ready to be done!!! Can I have a balloon????" So here this lady is, thrilled and being serenaded, and Stu and I are in the corner trying to keep ourselves under control! We managed to get a hold of ourselves and make it through the rest of the treatment with no further meltdowns!

We stopped by Waskom High on the way home and picked up a gift basket from the Band Boosters (Thanks guys!! So sweet!!) and supper from the Murphrey's (Excellent, Melisa!) and then headed home to Emma and Nana. After eating, I went into HG TV hyper-drive!! I'm telling you, these steroids are GOOD STUFF! I have a list of things that need to be touched-up and home-improved, before we sell this house. It's written in blue Sharpie on a paper plate:) Nana and I started slow by grouting the tile that Stu had already hung in the decorative nook in the master suite. After that, I was still feeling good I knew it was time to conquer the paper plate...much to my wonderful husband's dismay:) Nana hung out with Emma and Mommy and Daddy busted out 2/3 of that bad boy!!!!! Can I just tell you the relief that I feel now that the majority of that stinkin' list is done?!??!!? A few more things and this house is officially move in ready.

Oh, and for those of you keeping score at home...Emma has not had a fever all day!!!!!!!!!! Yes, that's one treatment of three that we have had a healthy baby and a mom that didn't feel like a failure for not being able to take care of said baby!!! Good times!!

Well, I think I'm wound down enough to go back to bed. Thanks for checking in on us!

Current prayer requests:

1. Pray that Monday Dr. Owers says NO MORE TREATMENTS!!!!!

2. Pray that the couple that is possibly interested in the house does decide to buy and that their timeline and ours work together.

3. Pray that Emma stays well.

4. Pray that I don't feel as bad these next two weeks as I did the last two weeks. This last round kicked my tail for a few days.

5. Pray that Stu's patience and overall wonderfulness abounds and that the weather is nice next week while he's on Spring Break...yes, WISD is the only district in America on Spring Break next week:)

You guys are the greatest:) I love you!

Friday, March 12, 2010

The Latest

Emma has been an angel ever since my last post. It may have been a bit premature to predict the end of our friendship:) In fact, she's talking up a storm and blowing spit bubbles on my leg even as I type! Yep...BFFs for sure:)

Went to Shreveport yesterday and got labs done, sutures out and were supposed to meet with the doctor. The first two happened no problem, but due to a scheduling mix up, we didn't get to see the doc. We asked some questions via the nurse and today she called with the plan. My labs yesterday were still less than one so that's GREAT!! Dr. Owers wants to be 100% sure all of this mess is gone so he wants me to do two more treatments. We were really hoping that next Thursday's would be the end but he wants one more after that. I know he's being thorough and extra careful so none of this comes back, but I was really hoping next week would be the end. I had a ROUGH day yesterday and I'm just REALLY tired of not feeling well.

Stu has been my rock through this whole mess. I finally had my latest complete blubbering idiot meltdown last night and he just held me, took care of Emma and then told me to go to bed while he cleaned the house. He's a keeper:)

The house had to be clean because we finally showed it for the first time this morning. Sounds promising, we'll see. Because, you know, selling our house and packing and moving to only the Lord knows where is the EXACT thing to make our current circus complete!!!!!!!!!!

Well, gotta go. Have a visitor coming:) Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Not Friends

Emma and I are no longer friends. We had a good run, but alas, it's done. What happened to my precious little smiley baby that loved to laugh and play? I'll tell you what happened. She has now gone into "company only" mode. If there are new faces to make light up and put on a show for, she's there. If it's just her and mommy...you can hang it up, there will be nothing but screams, tears and cursing...and that's just on my end:) Is this what teething is like?????? Is there a magic pill she can take????? Do you have anything I CAN TAKE????????

On a happier note...tomorrow's the big day. Hopefully, we'll find out from Dr. Owers how many more treatments we're looking at and what the plan's going to be for the next year. And I finally get the sutures out from the port incision. No more acid-laced band aids constantly ripping the skin off my arm!!! Woo-hoo!!!

Please pray that my levels are officially ZERO and that I only have one more treatment!!!!!! I'll update you as soon as we hear anything:) Have a great rest of the day!!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Monday's Haze and Randomness

So I think I know what it feels like to be on drugs and I am NOT seeing the fun of it. Why in the world would you choose to feel like this?? On and off all day, it's gotten to the point of when I open my eyes I have to blink 3 or 4 times to get all six sets of visions to sync up and become one! Ridiculous!

And, on second thought, maybe a "Bubba Burger" from Fugler's wasn't the best first meal in 4 days. Yikes.

Oh, well. What are ya gonna do???

Based solely on the emotional wreck of daughter I experienced when we got home tonight, Tina starved her and she spent the majority of the day in a sleep deprivation chamber. Who's baby is this?!?!? I kid you not. She cried the entire way home in the car and didn't stop until I fed her not one bottle but two...THEN...took a break from screaming to turn on the charm for the Calvert's (thanks for supper!!! It's WONDERFUL!!)...THEN continued screaming until I laid her down...FOR BED...AT 6:00 PM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Should I just chalk it up to the standard teething/growth spurt/my daughter is possessed mom reasoning??? Wow.

Well, I think that's all the time of yours that I'll waste for this evening. My baby's asleep and my man's at what is sure to be a marathon school board meeting. Looks like maybe, just maybe, I can get some rest and relax. Pray Emma stays asleep and she's makes it through to the morning. I'm telling you, please pray for this because without miraculous intervention, this will not happen! She just woke up!!!!! Ahhhh...how's that for timing:)

Wish me luck...

Friday, March 5, 2010

SOOO Much To Share!

I've got an update but the chemo fog is in full effect so bear with...spell check can only do so much:)

1. I called the doctor's office this morning to see what my levels were yesterday...are you ready for this...I don't think you are...do I hear a drum roll????...LESS THAN ONE!!!!!!!!! That's what my levels are!!!! LESS THAN ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She even classified me as normal!!!!!!! Not sure that's ever been done before!!!!!!! We have a scheduled appointment with Dr. Owers next Thursday so we'll find out the plan then. He's said from the beginning that I'd have one additional treatment after my levels got to 0, so I'm not sure if less than one counts as zero, or if possibly my treatment in two weeks will be my last!!!!!!!! PRAY FOR THAT TO BE THE CASE!!!!! And guys, I gotta tell ya, you are all so totally responsible for the levels decreasing like this. You will never know how much all your prayers have meant to me and Stu. Thank you truly!

2. The treatment yesterday wasn't ridiculously bad. My arm was still sore from getting the port last week, so all the poking and prodding wasn't real fun. The needle that they stuck me with and had to leave in my arm for an hour wasn't real fun either. It felt like a continuous ant bite the whole time. Just enough to cause pain and be pretty uncomfortable, but not an unmanageable, throbbing kind of pain. They called me in a prescription for a numbing cream for next time so I shouldn't feel it...not sure why this idea wasn't a priority 2 weeks ago, but whatever. So far I feel OK, really tired, but OK. As soon as I'm done here, I'm heading to bed

3. Emma maintained a 102 fever from yesterday afternoon through this morning so we went ahead and took her to the doctor. Her only symptom is fever, so there's not a lot we can do but wait it out. He said if she still had fever Monday to come in and he'd do a urine test. Catheter on an 10 1/2 month old, sounds like a fabulous time. She seems like she's feeling better, exhausted, but better. We'll see how she doesn't this weekend.

4. Yay for grandparents! They've taken wonderful care of her so I can rest as much as possible. Thanks, Mom and Dad!!

5. Pray that if Emma does have a viral thing going on, it passes quickly and that I don't catch it. Last night, she was still upset but Nana, Pawpaw and Stu were all tying to get her to calm down and sleep, so I went ahead and tried to go to bed. I could barely keep my eyes open. As I'm laying in bed, I hear "Mama, Mama, Mama" in the most pitiful cry you will ever hear. She's never done that before, especially actually sounding like she was calling for me, so I figured I was imagining it. I got up and went to the end of the hall and sure enough, she was calling for me. There was no doctor's order in the world that would've kept me from my baby girl the first time she called for me because she needed me. I went in and rocked her in the recliner and she calmed down. She knows me and wanted me to be with her and comfort her. Hands down one of the best feelings in the entire universe.

Well, it's time for me to sleep some of this haze off. Thanks for checking in!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Are You Kidding Me?!?!

Emma had a 103.7 fever last night. It was down to 100.1 this morning, but of course, AGAIN, it all happens on a chemo day! I'm at home with her this morning, trying to stay out of her face. I think I felt a top tooth trying to break through this morning??? Maybe it's teething related???? Not sure. No other symptoms yet.

Stu just texted me and let me know that Tina (our friend that watches Emma for us while I'm at work) was up sick last night, don't have any details.

PLEASE PRAY THAT EMMA DOESN'T HAVE A VIRUS!!!!!!! And you can pray for Tina, too:)

Thanks!! Have a great day:) If I'm up to it, I'll post tonight and letcha know how the treatment was with the port...

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Not sure...

I don't know if my body is preparing itself to head back into the fog or what. The last 3 or so days every evening I've been exhausted and mildly moody...and yes, if you ask Stu "mildly" would be his adjective of choice! This morning it's already started. I just get really tired, followed by dizzy and spacey and then, this morning, I got really hot. Of course, I was in the WalMart parking lot unloading my mountain of baby wipes, Clorox wipes, Kleenex and pipe cleaners for the day school when the hot flash occurred, that probably had something to do with it:) I cured it by cranking the AC and opening the sunroof to let a little vitamin D in, who needs supplements???

I'm a little nervous about the treatment tomorrow with the port. It's still pretty sore and I'm not 100% sure how the whole thing is going to work. And I don't want to feel bad again. Ugh. Maybe my levels will be at 0 tomorrow and I'll only have one treatment left...a year of weekly monthly blood tests still to come...but only one more treatment?!?

Not going to think about it. It is completely out of my hands.

In other news, Nana and Pawpaw (my parents) are heading in tomorrow to watch us girls for the weekend so Stu can go to work and not worry, so that'll be fun:) Emma had a blast with them last time, so it'll be fun to watch Emma's dance party start back up again. Gonna be A LOT of "Baby Beluga" and the "Andy Griffith Show" theme song! She's starting to really make connections on who everyone is, I think. She was sick most of the time Grandmom was in so maybe next time will be more fun for them:)

Going to actually attempt to come to church tonight, it's party night in choir so if it's just too much, I can always leave early. And there will be food. And let's face it, it there's any chance of chocolate, I'm in.

In related news, I'm going to weigh 1500 lbs by the time this whole medical drama is over...I'm just sayin'.

Have a great day and, if you think about us, pray tomorrow around 2 PM as I'm getting my poison cocktail shot into the foreign plastic device in my arm. UUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Time in the Desert

"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt. 'In that day,' declares the Lord, 'you will call me 'my husband;' you will no longer call me 'my master.'" Hosea 2:14-16

Hosea is my favorite book of the Bible. This is quite possibly the most messed up love story you could ever imagine yet it is so beautifully orchestrated it could only come from the mind of God. If you've never read it straight through, I encourage you to do so.

I've felt like the Lord has been leading me through the desert for sometime now. I don't have a testimony of drugs, sex, alcohol or other self-destructive behaviors that some have. I was brought up in a godly home and blessed with an incredible support system. I didn't go to college and go nuts, I found an incredible church, got active in the lives of teenagers and formed meaningful relationships that I still enjoy today.

My thing has always been planning out my life my way and then begging like a madwoman for God to GIVE ME WHAT I WANT!!!!

I mean, who better to know what's best for me than me, right?!? There was a specific relationship that I was certain I had to have to be a complete person many, many years ago. I was borderline obsessed with the idea of this relationship working out and lost who I was in the process of pursuing it. After the Lord almost literally slapped me across the face to get my attention, He showed me that nothing could be deadlier in my life than for me to get what I wanted. The following years were filled with wretched, cursed, horrible singleness:) that not only gave me time and clarity to find ME again but also opened my eyes to the calling God had for my life. During this time I cried out to God to send me someone, ANYONE, to love me and take care of me. He said no. I threw myself into my job, which to anyone watching, was great..."look at the passion Lauren has for her ministry." While there was definitely passion there for the families and the church, there was a whole lot of fuel coming from the absolute fear of being alone. God showed me a lot during that time.

It was through that desert time that He showed Himself as Provider, Sustainer, Husband and Friend. It was because He brought me through, by His side, that I can fully appreciate and love the man He gave me to spend the rest of this life with. And Stu thinks I'm crazy NOW?!?!? If he only knew!!!

The Lord blessed me more than I will ever deserve when He brought me Stuart Andrew Musick. Looking back, I know that the desert was mandatory for preparing me to be the best wife I could be for him. I had to go through all of the heartache so that the Lord could prepare me for the gift He was preparing in His time.

I feel like it's happening again. God is walking me through this specific event because He has a gift on the other side. He is showing Himself faithful because there is someone on the other side of this that we will be able to help. I feel like the Lord has told me that Stu and I were chosen for this trial for a reason. Please don't read this as arrogance. I have no delusions of being worthy of Him using me in any capacity because of my own strengths. Lord, help us all!!! I feel like this time of brokenness will be restored and I hope and pray that others can be restored because of it! I look forward to the "Valley of Achor" becoming a "door of hope!"

I ask that as God shows us where He's leading us, you would pray that we get it right the first time!! This is not a lesson that I want to have to go through multiple times to get it figured out! Pray that we will be faithful.